After last night, I could never be a politician.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
