me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
be right there i have to get my cape
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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