brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
