you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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