dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
