I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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