ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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