just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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