Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize