the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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