seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize