I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
