There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
