You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
