i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
