Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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