you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize