I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
