Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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