and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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