My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Can I color on your dick again?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
