went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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