I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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