He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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