if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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