Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
