Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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