The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
