the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
