Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize