you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
