How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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