idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
