I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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