Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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