I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
