Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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