I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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