so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
