I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
