This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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