nut hugger
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
