She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
