Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize