Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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