if you like me you must not know who I am
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
