My underwear smells like fireworks.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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