Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
