im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
party gras won. party gras always wins.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
