You just made me feel so damn special
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I wear drunk well.
Randomize