So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The uberlube is also flammable
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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