So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize