Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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