This girl is more easily done than said...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Randomize
