he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
