I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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