Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
