So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize