I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
please come you make the beer taste better
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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