careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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