every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
