you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
