Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
