I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
