hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
