Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
