naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
