They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
