Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
