From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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