We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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