Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
