i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
