We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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