Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize