she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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