Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
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