i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i already hear my dad disowning me
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
