I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
