guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize