How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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