Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
