i barfeds in our rink
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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