I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
