On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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