I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
