you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
