when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
