I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
