The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
