I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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