Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize