bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
