She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
