wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
