It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
