So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
