ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
