I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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