No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
