Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
