You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
