Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
