You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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